When I initially started to write this post my focus was on the biblical perspective of what peace is. Earlier on in my walk of discipleship, I would’ve focused on that. There is certainly a place for understanding the correct biblical context for a subject and the most accurate biblical meaning for specific words. However, what I am learning and experiencing now with God is a living way of experiencing who He actually is–on the written pages of the Word and off. 

As someone who has struggled with anxiety (which is the opposite of peace) for most of my life this past year has been one of the most peaceful I’ve ever encountered. Yet this peace came as a result of making two very difficult decisions. 

1. Leaving the church I was a part of for 10 years. 
2. Leaving behind a 2 year relationship. 

I felt like a teetering toddler trying to find her footing for the first few weeks after making these decisions. Starting a new part of your journey is akin to learning to walk again. There was no certainty of finding new friendships or a community of healing in the new church I decided to attend. There was also no certainty regarding my love life, which was nerve-wracking for me being 32 and unmarried.  However, in the midst of the uncertainty, I had the chance to learn God in a new way, more specifically, I am having the chance to learn about His peace in a new way. 

Peace truly comes from choosing to trust God with every part of your life. I realize I wasn’t experiencing peace because I wasn’t trusting God. I wasn’t trusting what He was telling me and where He was leading so I kept resisting Him and vacillating. Yet He loves me so much that He allowed me to suffer such great anxiety caused by allowing my fears to control my life. I stayed in dissatisfying environments because I was afraid to 1. Be myself and trust my intuition and conviction and 2. Be alone because of those things. 

Fear is invasive and sentient. It has the propensity to fill up the spaces in our soul that God’s love, faith, and peace are meant to reside. Each day on this new road of my journey with God the Father, I am learning a bit more about the peace that comes with trusting his hand. 

When I mess up and I spiral in ruminating and obsessively taking in helpful Youtube videos, peace is realizing that God wants the best for me always. Sometimes I have to get help which He provides in various ways and sometimes He wants me to imagine Him holding me and other times, He gently corrects me to put on my big girl shoes and take a step of faith. The peace comes from realizing God is not this critical, harsh man who is expecting me to already know all the answers to all of life’s issues. He is right there with me, stretching out his graceful, glowing hand to guide me where He knows I need to be. Often, it’s a mystery to me but it is never a mystery to Him. 

One of the places He has guided me to is working on a 12 step program meant for codependents. It’s been so healing for me, offering direction and community as I continue to pursue the peace of God. My group is helping me to shed my cloak of perfectionism under which I hide in the shroud of “I have it all figured out.” Freedom for me, which is a facet of peace, lies in being able to admit that I don’t have it all figured out. Healing occurs when I experience love from others in spite of the fact that I don’t know it all or have it all together. I can share my failures (even though it is super hard to do). I can ask questions. I can ask for help and guidance. As I engage in these healthy human behaviors, my primal wound of emotional neglect is slowly healing. 

Friend, if you are someone who is looking for a similar road map towards peace, here are a few steps you can also take. 

Step 1: Realize that in a relationship with Jesus, you have unlimited access to the heart of the Father. And He is a tender Father who loves you more than you could possibly imagine

Step 2: Recognize that He is older, wiser, and far more capable than you are at guiding your life. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be good at it and you don’t have to be your own god. 

Step 3: Run these truths over and over in your mind until they become a part of who you are. I didn’t want this third step to be super actionable. A big part  of me learning peace has been me learning to do less. True transformation takes place at a slight, minute pace. You don’t have to rush it or be perfect today.