Seven Ways To Deal With Disappointment

Recently, I experienced a disheartening disappointment. After four months of planning to go overseas to see my sweetheart, our plans were dashed in an instant. We spent the last several months counting down, sharing “can’t waits”, buying outfits, expressing excitement all for the trip to be shot down by six–no, seven, heartbreaking words: “I’m sorry honey, but you can’t travel.” The look on the airline assistant’s face was sincere as was the sinking sensation of my heart. 

One question burned in my mind: “God, why didn’t you tell me this would happen?”

Being an anxious person can have you believing some crazy things. You get pretty good at predicting and anticipating disaster. I can often expect God to send me signs to warn me about something before it happens. 

News Flash: that’s not how he operates. 

So, I did what any heartbroken woman would do: I cried for two days. I wanted to isolate myself from God and everyone around me. But God’s spirit kept nudging me in my disappointment. And in his grace, I am able to share with you seven ways to deal with disappointment.

1. Find Comfort and Perspective in Scripture:

Although I didn’t feel like reading my Bible, God has taught me to abide in him regardless of how I feel. This is now day 15 after the disappointment as I sit down to write this and each day God has met with me as I read his word. Each time, I find strength to believe for that day and hope in who God is. His words remind me that I can depend on him through disappointments and that I can trust his path for my life. I choose to believe the scriptures and not what my feelings and thoughts say. 

2. Prayer

Talking to God about how I felt in my disappointment and my upset kept my heart soft to the point where I was able to deeply feel the comfort of his words I read in scripture. Prayer is like digging up a hole in soil so that the ground can receive a seed. If I didn’t tell God what I felt or ask him for his comfort or presence, I wouldn’t have been able to receive it. Unbroken ground can not be cultivated; unspoken prayers don’t always get answered. Prayer also helped me to be present with my uncomfortable feelings which allowed me to grieve more freely.

3. Vulnerable Connection

God provided a slew of ways for me to share my thoughts and feelings with those around me. But here’s the kicker, I had to be willing to speak and even at times initiate the conversations. Waiting around for someone to comfort me would have done more harm than good, although there were many times when my loved ones would initiate. In each conversation, I met soft eyes, empathetic hearts, warm hands, and understanding ears. These connections helped me to effectively participate in the next practical for dealing with disappointment…

4. Reflection

I had lots of time to reflect and think over what God may have wanted to show me. One of the things I discovered was how I was lacking in my beliefs. Inadvertently, I believed that God wanted to harm me through my disappointment. Life’s uncertainties can so often impress upon us false realities about God. We begin to reason that the unfairness of life is God’s fault and that we are merely victims at his whim. Psalm 145:9a was a pleasant reminder that “The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all his creation.” Disappointments often tell us otherwise but this is where choosing to believe God’s word over our circumstances and feelings is so pivotal. 

5. Make The Choice To Be Grateful

Gratitude is a conscious, daily decision. Thinking about all the things I was missing out on with my sweetheart would have been easy to do and I did dwell on these things. But thankfully, God brought to mind the words of a friend who shared how she listed out what she was grateful for when hit with unexpected circumstances. When I listed out the things I was grateful for, it didn’t take away the pain but it made it more bearable. Pain that is bearable allows room for enjoying the things we are currently surrounded by. I was able to enjoy quality time with my family, watch “Strange World” with my niece, and dance the night away on New Year’s Eve despite not having what I truly desired.

6. Remain Hopeful

When our desires go unmet, it’s very easy to not want to try desire again. We reason that it’s better to not hope at all. We do this to protect ourselves from the pain of another disappointment. But God’s word says Love is always hopeful. Hope keeps our hearts open and when we have hope for what God can do in our lives, we are able to have hope for others. I didn’t want to even think about planning another trip or another way for my boyfriend and I to see one another. But thank God, my sweetheart is more optimistic than I am and God is always moving in our lives. He’s helping me to remain hopeful (and adding more dreams too).

7. Move On To The Next Right Thing

In disappointment or in any negative emotion, the temptation is to allow it to become quicksand, in which we sink down further and further. The danger of this is we can ultimately remain stuck and allow our negative emotions to define us and the future of our lives. For me, this thought process sounded like this: “I’ll never see my boyfriend again.” “God doesn’t want us to be together.” I can often allow my emotions to dictate my realities. Moving on to the next right thing, however, is what God calls his committed followers to do. In 1 Peter, God tells us:

“But you are not like that, for you are God’s chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.”

(1 Peter 2:9)

Most times the next right thing we can do is show others the goodness of God, even in our disappointment. David is a great example of this. In 2 Samuel 12:15-25 we find David after he slept with Bathsheba and killed Uriah. He’s been struck with the news that the son Bathsheba is pregnant with is sick. In his disappointment, David grieved his loss. He fasted, cried, and pleaded with God. But when God said no, he moved on to the next right things. He washed, worshiped, and shared wisdom. He didn’t linger in the death of his child. He spoke well of God, fellowshipped with others and comforted his wife. Through his actions, even though what he experienced was his fault, he honored God. As a result, David’s example serves as a timeless godly example. 

I’m convinced that our disappointments are God’s tools of refinement though sometimes shrouded in dark cloth. May we learn to be people who trust even when disappointed, in order to make known the goodness of God.

Love and Light,

Kourtney Naomi