How Intentional Humility Eases Anxiety
Disclaimer: This misunderstood virtue is not a strength of mine.
An article I read in graduate school has stuck out to me for years. It stated that teaching is both an art and a science, meaning it is something that is creative and methodical. Creativity, flexibility, and the complexity of my mind are all things I pride myself on. So I get the art aspect of teaching. Naturally, I struggle with rigidity and controlling environments. Oddly enough, that’s the case at my current school. It runs on rigid systems and curriculums. It places more emphasis on the science of teaching than the art of it.
As a reading interventionist, I have a particular program and curriculum I am expected to follow. The curriculum doesn’t lend itself to much creativity on my end, so this year, I’ve been torn between the boring and the improvised. Since I don’t believe the curriculum inspires my students to enjoy school, challenges them, or strengthens their dignity as learners, my default is to insist on my own way of doing things. I’m a firm believer that learning should be an enjoyable disciplined experience with room for fun and lots of critical thinking. But the curriculum doesn’t lend itself to these values. Its’ cut and dry, simple, consistent, systematic…and yet it’s effective. As I’ve humbled out in this area, I’ve found freedom in not being tied too tightly to my own perspective, methods, and practices.
Humility allows for a wider perspective. It allows me to see others and God better. The less I focus on showcasing my teacher style, how creative I am, or how well I can formulate an effective critically thoughtful lesson, the more I can focus on seeing the benefits of this particular program. It may be boring but it has built in lessons that cater to the students’ reading level. The consistency helps them to achieve mastery. The curriculum also allows them to monitor their own progress in a well-paced manner.
These aren’t things I’m good at as a teacher. But these are things that my students need; never mind if it’s not what I want.
How Are Anxiety and Pride Connected?
“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Isn’t it interesting that this scripture places pride and anxiety together?
Quite often when I feel anxious, the only thing I can focus on is myself. And what is pride if not excessive self-focus?
In my anxiety about my students, I become prideful. It’s good for me to be confident in what I’m able to do and to have my own ideas, but to insist that only my ideas will work or are better than what I’m presented is prideful. God calls those of us who have professed to believe in Christ to humble ourselves, or as the AMP version of the bible says, to “demote , lower yourselves in your own estimation” under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you.
Quite frankly, my lack of humility came down to what I believed about God, or in other words, my faith.
It may seem simple and inconsequential but when I was insisting on not using the curriculum, I wasn’t looking at God. I was looking at myself. The faithful and humble thing would have been to submit my dilemma to him, instead of trying to force my own way. But now, as I yield to doing what is expected of me, I’m finding that the program actually does work. There actually is room for some creativity. The students are learning and growing AND using the program is a lighter lift for me. It also provides me with the opportunity to master the program in the hopes that it will help me to advance in my career and help other teachers. So perhaps this is how God may exalt me (lol) but maybe he won’t. Even if he doesn’t, I’m learning to trust more in his promises, not my anxieties, worries, or feelings.
The ability to live uncontrolled by these things and to instead live motivated by God and what he says about life, light, and truth is true emotional and spiritual freedom.
A Few Takeaways
When you’re feeling anxious ask yourself, what am I focused on? Myself, others, or God? Then determine to look outside of your small box and open yourself up to what you’re resisting. Is what you’re resisting going to kill you? Is it life or death? If not, (and even if it is) determine that God’s promise is enough and live by it.
Do not live by your worry.
Do not live by your pride.
Instead live in the humility that comes from believing what God says.
