Just Journey.
We’re reading Binti by Nnedi Okorafor in my ninth grade English class. Inevitably, we have encountered Joseph Campbell’s theory: The Hero’s Journey.
A few years ago, when I was getting therapy through Better Help there was a discussion forum about how our journeys of emotional health can be compared to our favorite fictional characters’ adventures. Like Frodo and the Ring, the Elves of Erebor trekking to the Lonely Mountain, Simba fighting for Pride Rock, Craig rumbling Debo, Rocky staying in the Ring for all those rounds, and Iron Man snapping the sparkling fingers of the Gauntlet.
I was in tears this morning, again. I should get an award for most tears shed in a lifetime. I was convinced Jesus was mad at me because of a recent decision I made. As I wrote out all my primal emotions (anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love), as recommended by Joseph Gray, I realized I’m mad at myself. So this morning, after my deluge of lacrimal fluid, I read my bible.
Currently, I’m taking the advice of Dallas Willard on the importance of meditating and reading over small chunks of the Bible. “It is better in one year to have ten good verses transferred into the substance of our lives than to have every word of the Bible flash before our eyes. Remember that “the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life” (2 Cor 3:6). We read to open ourselves to the Spirit.”
I’m reading the part of John where Jesus gives his Lesson Before Dying to his disciples. Jesus tells his disciples, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God. Trust in Me.” He says this right after telling Peter that he would betray Jesus. He says this while he knows that his closest group of friends would betray him in his hour of need. And yet, his focus was not on his emotions but on their encouragement.
And what do you think I did? I cried.
I cried because the world is sad. People are hurtful and messy. I’m a mess. People are hurting, strung out on drugs and without hope. Many of my students read four grades below grade level. Black men have been so traumatized and are still trying to heal from the residue of slavery and Jim Crow. Black families are broken. White families are broken. Trump is in office.
And yet, when Jesus was met with the struggles and brokenness of his time, he didn’t crumble under the sadness of the world. He looked the problems dead in the face, didn’t try to wish them away, felt all his emotions, and still did His Father’s will.
And that’s the journey He’s calling me to.
This week, my students grumbled, sucked their teeth, mumbled snarky comebacks under their breath because I kept teaching, kept correcting, and kept holding them to a high bar along the journey of their learning.
Now, I’m not Jesus, so I definitely used some toxic guilt, embarrassment, and Ms. Fullard sass to keep them in check. But I kept with the mission of pushing them towards their potential. It’s a journey for them. They make mistakes. But I’m in there with them, believing the best, giving my best, and being the best example for them I can be…despite all the things I’m experiencing and going through. Despite the hiccups I’m making along my own journey.
My fears about the difficulties on this journey are slowly subsiding as I realize:
- Nobody has it all figured out.
- Mistakes and sin are inevitable
- Jesus is my fourth man in the fire (shout out to Elevation)
So yeah, it’s giving Frodo trekking through the fiery, orc-infested roads of Mordor. But I’m not alone in this. We’re all journeying. And Jesus completed the journey for me already. So I’m good. I’m putting my eyes on him and I invite you to, too.
Love and Light,
Kourtney Naomi
