Uncategorized / August 17, 2026

“Blessed are the pure in heart.” Reflections on Sexual Purity.

A part of my testimony is my struggle with sex.

I had sexual experiences starting from a very young age and through adulthood, it was difficult for me to balance healthy sexuality with being a Christian. In my early twenties, I joined a purity group where we strove to be pure sexually. It was helpful because it taught me how to talk about my temptations to masturbate and have sexual fantasies about men I was attracted to but it didn’t help me to overcome the feelings of shame I held attached to my sexuality or the bouts of depression I’d experienced when I sinned sexually.

Before I decided to follow Jesus’ way of life, I didn’t carry much shame around my sexuality. I flaunted it and I got attention for it. After learning that my mishandling of my sexuality was not pleasing to God caused me to feel not just guilt but also shame. There is a distinct difference between the two that is important to understand in order to live a healthy emotional and spiritual life.

Guilt tells you that you did something wrong. It points to behaviors and its purpose is to lead to change, growth, and accountability.

Shame tells you there is something wrong with you. It points to flawed identity and as such can feel insurmountable to overcome because identity is who you are which can seem impossible to change. It leads to self-hatred, loathing, and isolation.

What was difficult for me when I was learning about purity is I was focusing a lot on the behaviors: masturbating, the sexual fantasizing, and past sexual encounters. I failed to realize that it wasn’t just my behavior that needed to be purified, but also my identity and the beliefs I carried around who I was.

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When Jesus was talking to the crowds about purity, that phrase “pure in heart” does not only focus on behavior. We can infer this because He clearly says, pure in heart. That word “pure” is the Greek word katharos and it means “without undesirable elements; purified by God; free from the contaminating, soiling influences of sin”. A one dimensional, surface level view of that word, when talking about sexual purity, may lead one to think something along the lines of, to be pure means to stop having sex with my boyfriend because pre-marital sex is a sin.

It’s not that simple.

When I was out here, doing the do, my libido was only one factor. I also kept doing it because I didn’t know I was worth waiting for. I didn’t realize how Holy the hands were that made me or how Holy the hands were that made him. I’d placed such low value on myself and on him that I quite literally could not see God. My wrong beliefs about the value of humanity were also impure, not just the act of sex outside of marriage.

So when I think about Jesus’ words, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” I understand it now as this, “blessed are those who deeply understand the way God thinks and feels, they will see Him because they are intimate friends of His heart.”

Our wrong beliefs about ourselves and others muddy the lens through which we see our Creator. Purity means allowing God to tell you the truth about who humanity is, what we were meant to be, and who we were made by. It goes beyond behavior modification and extends a river of washing to the very points of separation between the spirit and soul.

Religion can’t produce that.

Legalism can’t produce that.

Only Jesus can. For He is Lion, Lamb, and an all consuming fire.

Love and Light,