Last week, I recognized 10 years since I made the decision to make Jesus Lord of my life and to be baptized.

The next day, I was an emotional wreck.

Subconsciously, I believed that becoming a “true” Christian would rid me of my sin, especially as I repented from certain sinful behaviors. But as the years go by, the Holy Spirit is helping me to realize that my (and by extension, our) walks with God are not sprints, they’re not even marathons. Our walks are day by day strolls with God (God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit). 

Naturally, I’m a rusher. This may come from being the youngest sibling and having the desire to play catch-up with my sisters. But biblical truth glaringly suggests that spiritual growth takes time. Wasn’t Solomon at the end of his life when he realized, “…here is the final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”

A decision that I am making for myself is to slow down in my walk with God. I am choosing to allow myself to abide in Him. To dwell in Him. To experience the Joy, Peace, and Safety I have with Him. This is not how I usually would define the Christian Walk. I used to define it by what I knew intellectually about the Bible, how much I shared my faith, and how “good” I was, how much I was repenting. And there are certainly places for knowledge, evangelism, moral excellence, and repentance–scripture explicitly outlines these things. 

But all these things, I’m realizing, are an outpouring from knowing and experiencing communion with a Loving Father, a Loyal Savior, and a Gentle Comforter. I am a part of a secure, steady, peaceful family, the Trinity who loves me and surrounds me constantly. 

The scripture that I dwelled on this morning is Psalm 89:1a

I will sing of the Lord’s unfailing love forever.

I’m choosing to allow the steadfast, loyal love of the Lord to hold me.

I am choosing to allow His faithfulness to define me and ease my fears. 

And I am doing it imperfectly, while allowing myself to do so. Not because I want to sin or enjoy sinning, but because perfection is an unhealthy way of thinking for a daughter of the King. I am drawing away from self-condemning and harsh repentance and leaning into a Spirit-led repentance. A repentance that results from knowing that I am loved and trusting that I am forgiven, then depending on the Holy Spirit to develop within me the heart and desires that are Christ-like and pleasing to the Heavenly Father.

When I think about ancient believers and people who walked with God in the bible, one of my favorite enigmatic characters is Enoch. It’s not explicitly written, but I believe that Enoch knew the loving, faithful presence of the Lord and enjoyed His company. And what is more, the Lord enjoyed Enoch’s presence. I believe this is the model of Christianity that is available to all of us.

A steady, slow, sure walk from which good works flow. 

That’s the path God is calling me to and I invite you along with me. 

Love and Light,

Kourtney Naomi