Well first of all, what is healing anyway? I think I addressed this definition in a previous post, here, but since I’m not going to go back and re-read what I wrote (because it is taking enough energy for me to actually sit down and write this) I’ll say what healing is, in the biblical sense, in this post. 

To be healed means to be made whole and lacking nothing. It is God’s process of restoring us back to His originally intended way he wanted us to be–free from sin–which means able to be in perfect intimacy with Him. This is essentially what Christianity is all about!  When I started walking this healing journey more intentionally I thought it would be peaceful and serene. Don’t get me wrong, it is, but I didn’t realize it would be a lifelong journey! And I didn’t know just how much unlearning I would need to undergo. 

I think Jesus talks about this ignorance of how far away from the Father we are (and I say this with love, empathy, and gentleness). As you read this scripture with me, try to hear through a lens of matter-of-factness and not of “look at how much of a dirty piece of crap you are” lens.

22 “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!
[Mat 6:22-23 NLT]

Context: (Because I am learning how important context is, especially because I’m teaching rhetorical analysis to my high school AP Language and Composition Class) In the context of this scripture, Jesus is talking about money. And while it is important to understand the context for scriptural integrity, I’ve also seen how this scripture has illuminated some specific, subjective truths about my life by the Holy Spirit’s guidance. 

As I allow God to heal me, He is helping me to see ways in which my eye, meaning my perspective of life, has been bad. As I think back on unhealthy ways I’ve related to myself and others, it’s humbling to realize that what I thought was healthy was actually unhealthy. 

For example, I used to be very quick to correct my friends and offer unsolicited advice to people. At the time, I thought this was me being assertive in an attempt to overcome pleasing people. While there is certainly a time to give advice and correction, I would do it compulsively and out of fear. Compulsion and fear are areas in my soul where God is inviting me to step into His light, which is His love and His truth. 

But it’s crazy because just how Jesus says, “And if the light you think you have is actually darkness…” that was me! My light, meaning my ways of living and being that I thought were correct, were actually darkness. And how deep that darkness was!

Another area of darkness in my life that God is lighting and warming up is how I relate to Him. Before, when I would become aware of sin and error in my life, I was filled with debilitating shame and would compulsively try to fix everything about me in an effort to be a righteous disciple. I thought that was light and holy, but it was dark because it was built on a foundation of fear and a misinterpretation of God’s love. Now, when I am made aware of error and sin in my life, I am learning to lean into God’s love and forgiveness which leads me to change my mind, heart, and actions. The change is still difficult but being led by light and love is much more healing than being led by force and the “stick”. 

I didn’t expect to realize that even things I thought were “holy” and “righteous” were actually darkness and even sinful. I can laugh at it now because it is funny how much we think we know. Yet, this is the tricksy part about healing–you think you know what you need to heal from (at least I did, I don’t know about y’all) but you actually don’t. 

And that’s okay because God does. 

Friends, I don’t usually do this, but I want to include a short little prayer here for you to say today if you feel compelled to. 

Jesus, you are light itself. As such, you have the authority to tell me what is light and what is darkness. I give you permission to tell me what light I possess that is actually darkness. In your name, amen!

Love and Light Folks (and don’t forget to buy my poetry collection! Here!) 

-Kourtney Naomi