Giving Up On Perfectionism

This year, I faced a difficult truth: I’m not a perfect teacher. This was news to me! 

There were days when I had thought battles in my head. Some thoughts were telling me “this is normal, even acceptable.” Other thoughts were telling me that it wasn’t. The helpful thoughts were telling me, “it’s a growing process-these things take time, practice, effort.” 

The critical thoughts kept insisting, “you are a disciple. You should be better than this. You shouldn’t fear your students anger. You shouldn’t struggle with classroom management.” The helpful thoughts would say: “you’re improving, keep trying, learn from your mistakes. Growth takes time.”

My goodness. These thought battles are annoying.  

I started to muse: is this growth and learning thing biblical? 

We see it in psychology and in self-help initiatives—I’m currently reading a slew of books. One of them is “Mindset” by Carol Dweck which focuses primarily on humans’ ability to grow. Yet still I wondered is this godly? Does God give me room to grow and make mistakes or does he want me to be perfect?

I’m not going to lie. Christianity does have undertones of “be perfect so that God can accept you.” It certainly does seem that way before conversion. And after conversion seems like “don’t make a mistake or God’s going to be mad at you.” 

But not every Christian thinks this way or has this mindset, so that’s one clue to this belief’s faultiness. 

Jesus never says that we need to be perfect or not to make mistakes. I would even go so far as to say he knows that we will. I mean if we were perfect, Jesus’ sacrifice would have been for nothing. 

His sacrifice offers us hope and help so we can live a righteous life through him. He gives us encouragement as we grow in him and he desires for us to be like him. This is a process, meaning it happens in steps and stages. It is not a one and done phenomenon. 

The Roots of My Perfectionism 

I am learning that my perfectionism came from my family. 

My parents would discipline us without teaching/training us. So we would get in trouble for making mistakes, but not taught and trained how to refrain from making those mistakes or taught how to learn from them.

The subtle message was that we should already know. My parents would also punish us more harshly than was necessary and at other times not discipline us at all for wrong doing. This made it difficult for me to understand if I was doing the right thing or the wrong thing, which is an unstable place for any child to be. 

My parents weren’t perfect. It was their responsibility to bring us up and nurture us. They failed in different ways. But now as an adult, it is my responsibility to learn and allow God to train me. (And to also forgive them!)

Welcome To Godly Training

God’s training is different than my parents’ training. His standards are clear and he is perfectly just. As he is teaching me, he knows I will make mistakes, which he corrects, but his training allows for me to grow and grow well. 

There are several scriptures that hint at the Christian growing/growth process. One of my favorites is this: 

“For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.”

-Hebrews 10:14 

The Greek Definition for the word “perfected” is teleioó: to bring to an end, to complete, perfect. According to HELPS Word-studies the root of this word is illustrated with the image of an old pirate’s telescope, “unfolding (extending out) one stage at a time to function at full-strength. 

So Jesus’ perspective of perfection, that is mentioned here, is a perfection that is finished by him and one that occurs in stages. It’s already done and its’ in process. (How beautiful is that). 

Pruning as part of Perfection

This is hard for me to grasp. My idea of perfection is having no flaw. Doing no wrong. But where is the growth in that? Where is the process? Where is the learning? (There is none!)

Pruning is a part of this process. Why would a perfect plant or perfect person need pruning? They don’t. And yet, Jesus says: “I am the true vine, and My Father is the keeper of the vineyard. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful.” John 15:2 

In my mind, when God is pruning me by showing me sin in my life, faulty ways of thinking, faulty ways of relating to others, I feel like something is wrong with me. Like I’m not a Christian. Like I’m less than. But Jesus says the exact opposite thing here, he says that the branch that is bearing fruit is pruned, in order to make it even more fruitful.

Perfection offers something different. Perfection says if something undesirable is happening to you, if you’re being corrected, if you’re being pruned, there must be something wrong with you and God must be mad at you, maybe even throwing you away. So the aim becomes to maintain having no flaws, so you won’t have to be pruned. So you won’t have to face your imperfections. 

I’ve been learning how to grow plants in my apartment. A plant that I am particularly fond of is my orchid. Just the other day, much to my fear and displeasure, it was time for me to repot it. Now the thing about orchids is their root system is different than other plants because in the wild, they don’t grow from soil: they grow from trees! As such, they need different potting material. All of this to say, I had to cut off a few roots that were rotting. Not because I don’t like my plant or I’m mad at my plant. No. In fact I love this plant. And I want this plant to continue to grow. If I don’t take care of its roots, it will die. 

It’s the same with us when we surrender ourselves into God’s care. We actually don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to hide our imperfections. Our imperfections allow for us to be pruned so that we can bear fruit. I’ve not arrived at the end stage yet where I am perfectly okay with my imperfections, but i am learning to trust God’s process and his perspective of perfection and pruning. It’s the only true way to becoming perfect the way he desires. 

Keep in mind that this perfection process is only found in Christ. So come to him <3