Learning The Need For Connection

As I sit down to write this post, I feel inadequate because I don’t have much about life figured out. But perhaps that’s exactly why I should write.

The truth of it all is no one has life completely figured out. We’ve all learned lessons and are in the process of learning more lessons. I’m starting to think that that’s what life is: a compilation of lessons learned and lessons being learned.

With this in mind, perhaps this is why Jesus calls us to be his disciples. To consistently learn about him and learn from him and copy off of him. Once we commit to a life of learning of Christ and how to be like Christ, we help others to do the same, while we continue to learn.

Life is a cycle of learning.

What I’m Currently Learning

Right now, what I’m learning in books, from experience, and in relationship is the need for connection. From an early age, I learned that the world was unsafe and I had to be emotionally aware and strong on my own. This resulted in the ability to create (in order to cope with pain) and to self-analyze (in order to find solutions to my inner turmoil). These were good, self-sufficient skills that I learned which helped me to become more independent. However, on the other hand, the more I relied on my own skills the less, I relied on God and other people.

I’m unlearning that now and it’s difficult (but also worth it). A principle that I learned from reading Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s books is this: We need God and We need others. Jesus said the same thing, which is probably where their principle developed from.

“Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:37-40

In short, these two principles, Loving God and Loving Others as Ourselves is what life is all about. These are life’s necessities. Don’t let the world tell you otherwise.

How I’m Currently Practicing This

I am naturally a perfectionist, so I want to have already been an expert at this yesterday. But another thing I am slowly learning is progress over perfection (which is a godly principle that I can explore later).

• Prayer: Praying to God about my needs, my hurts, my desires, and for others helps me to connect with him. It is comforting to me to know that God is actually listening and that he cares about what I am expressing to him. It’s empowering and faith-building when I see those prayers being answered.

• Reading the Bible: Reading the bible also helps me because it provides clarity, connection, comfort, and conviction. When I don’t understand a particular situation that I’m going through but then I read something in the bible that helps it make sense, I experience clarity. When I have pain from a wound and I read something in the bible that brings healing and truth, I experience connection and comfort. When there is sin in my life that I need to address and I’m met with the truth about it in the bible, I experience conviction. All these things help me to get my needs met.

• Connecting with Others: I think I do a pretty good job with helping other people, but I am growing in allowing others to help me. I’m learning that it is not a bad thing to be needy. God made me needy. God made us all needy. Lately, I’ve been making small efforts to ask others for more advice on specific areas in my life more consistently. I’ve been spending more quality time with my loved ones. Making more phone calls. Sending out more text messages. Being more vulnerable with my pain and with my struggles. Telling others what I need from them specifically instead of complaining when I don’t get a specific need met. Usually I’d think to myself that spending time with others is draining. However, recently, I haven’t felt very drained at all. I think this is because I’m receiving AND giving as opposed to giving, giving, giving and not receiving.

• Taking Care of My Responsibilities: Now, usually I would consider this as being under “self-love” but I think God is changing my mind. When I take care of my responsibilities, it can be seen as God-love, me loving God with my life by taking care of the life he’s entrusted to me (because he loves me). If I made more effort to see my responsibilities this way, I think it would make them more enjoyable. Nevertheless, I’ve been making more efforts to do better at taking care of my responsibilities. Managing my time better, completing my tasks fully, paying my bills, resting, being proactive instead of reactive by planning more meticulously, keeping the apartment more tidy, and budgeting. On paper, this probably seems mad boring (and it can be) but being responsible has a certain level of satisfaction.

• Nurturing My Passions: This is still a work in progress (stay tuned!) Haha, no but really. I’m trying to get back to reading more leisurely. This summer I want to make more of an effort to be in nature way more, to cook, travel, and drink coffee (I’m doing particularly well in that area lol). God gives us things to enjoy and I believe that when we enjoy them it makes more room for gratitude toward God, which we desperately need.

To sum it all up, I’m leaning into learning and learning that I need God and Others. If this was the only lesson I’ve learned throughout my whole life, it’d be substantial 🙂

I want to hear from you: What are you learning at this point in your life? How is God meeting your needs? How are others meeting your needs? Are you letting them?

Love and Light,

Kourtney Naomi

Book Recommendations:

• Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
• Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Current Reads:

The Mysterious Benedict Society and The Perilous Journey by Trenton Lee Stewart

& The Above Mentioned Books