Awhile ago, my best friend told me something like, “you don’t let me into your mess.” 

I responded with something like, “I tell you what’s going on with me and I let you into my thought process.” 

Her comment gave me pause then and gives me pause now because it’s true. I don’t always let her into my mess. 

Her comment gave me a window into what it means to be emotionally vulnerable. I consider myself to be an honest person. I don’t lie to people about what’s going on and I am truthful for the most part. Anytime I’m not, it’s not intentional. 

But I’m not always emotionally vulnerable with those who are close to me. I am more so now, after seeing the need to let people into my mess, but it is still something I have to be intentional about. Years ago, I didn’t see the need for vulnerability, the need to allow others to see my emotions. I felt that this was dangerous because of unpleasant past experiences where I was emotionally open and met with rejection or harshness. Those experiences were legitimately painful and scarring. I extend my compassion to anyone who has experienced something similar to that. However, when all we have is our own perspective, we aren’t always able to see solutions. 

Flashback

This reminds me of a time when I was younger, around six or seven, and I was supposed to be cleaning my room. For some reason, I was extremely upset and instead of cleaning my room, I ended up tearing it apart. My mattress, covers, and probably my toys were thrown all around my room because I was so upset. The reason why escapes me but I remember the feeling I felt. One could imagine my feelings of hopelessness, looking around the room at the even bigger mess I made. I was out of options. I had to ask mommy for help. 

I remember walking downstairs, with tears in my eyes, asking my mom to help me clean my room. She must’ve asked me what happened because I told her I got upset and messed it up even more. I don’t remember her response, but I remember the feeling of comfort after sharing that with her. I probably still had to help her clean my room, but the comfort and support I received made the task more manageable. 

That was a vulnerable moment.

But imagine how different it might’ve been if I simply said, “mommy, I messed up my room.” I would’ve been honest, but without the tears and raw emotion with the truth, she wouldn’t have been able to comfort me. She wouldn’t have been able to provide me with a solution. 

Emotional Vulnerability Brings Comfort

So, when my best friend shared that truth with me, that I don’t let her into my mess, I initially got defensive. I thought to myself something along the lines of, I don’t need to let her into my mess. She doesn’t need to see me crying and hysterical, that’s too much. But that wasn’t true. Now, sure, we all do need to learn to self-soothe (which I’m pretty good at!) but comfort and support are bred in vulnerable moments. I’m learning this. 

I recently experienced a painful moment in my life and I had (and have to) continue to process those painful feelings, but I’m so grateful to God that I had (and have) support. I have a support system of friends and mentors who know me deeply, who know my weaknesses, who remind me of my strengths, and who love me enough to listen to my truth and tell me the truth. These women constantly point me back to God in my lowest points. And I trust them. And I’m learning to trust them more and more. 

But this vulnerability takes work. It’s not easy! So many times I want to go through tough moments alone because asking for help makes me feel weak. But I’m learning that going through pain alone is a cesspool for all sorts of heart impurities. When I keep all of that pain and mess to myself, I become self-piteous, distraught, bitter, selfish, and unforgiving. 

But when I’m vulnerable, with God first and then others, the truth is able to shine on and in my heart. 

I hope the same for you.

Scriptural Help

The Bible shares about vulnerability when it encourages us to confess our sins. I know that can seem like such a religious risk and you may have had some bad experiences with this. I know I have. But I’ve also experienced such growth, comfort, help, and support when I talk about what’s really going on with me. 

I want to encourage you, dear reader, to let the light shine on your heart by being emotionally vulnerable with God and trusted people that He’s placed in your life. And if you feel like you don’t have any, leave a comment and I’ll pray for you! 

• “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16
• “This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.” 1 John 1:5-7

Love & Light,

Kourtney Naomi