I’ve been a disciple (meaning following Jesus with a faith founded on the Bible) for almost 7 years. Yet, I remember that first year so clearly in my mind. I remember waking up and journaling out my heart to God, writing Him poetry, and reading His word daily. I felt like I had a relationship with Him, but there were many times where I would tell Him in my prayers, “I know this is true in my head but I’m having a hard time feeling it in my heart.” I knew that I understood the scriptures intellectually, but I wasn’t always emotionally connected to God. And for a long time, I honestly felt like God didn’t care about my feelings or my desires. 

People would always tell me to read the Psalms since David was so vulnerable with God. As a poet, I felt obligated to LOVE the Psalms. I would even tell people that I did. I forced myself to be fascinated by the fact that the Bible is predominantly made up of poetry! But the truth is, the Psalms didn’t always help me feel emotionally connected to God. Half of the time, I didn’t understand the metaphors of biblical poetry, so how in the world was I supposed to connect emotionally with those parts of scripture? This went on for years. And it wasn’t until the beginning of 2020 that I started to be consistent in emotionally connecting with God. 

An Intimate God

From the ages of 12-26, I had this belief that I needed a man to be happy. (God willing, in future posts, I can tell you more about that!) 5 of those years, I was a Christian! I loved God, I truly did, but I didn’t believe that God could fulfill me emotionally or make me feel the way I did when I was in a relationship. Now, mind you, as a disciple I didn’t date until I turned 27, but I had plenty of crushes. (I had a crush that lasted almost 6 years.)  It wasn’t until I’d gotten my heartbroken (again) that I started this journey of emotionally connecting/intimacy with God. I read great books like, “Pure The Journey” by Robin and Dave Weidner, “Every Woman’s Battle” by Shannon Ethridge, and “Emotional Purity” by Heather Arnel Paulsen. All of these books helped me to see that God cared about me emotionally. Sometimes it can seem like God only cares about me doing what He wants because He said it. But I started to see that God cares about me, truly cares about me, and He wants to be in a close, intimate relationship with me. He is an intimate God.

 Now what does that word “intimate” mean? Girl, I asked myself that same question. And to my surprise, the evidence of God’s desire for an intimate relationship with us is alllll over the Bible!

Intimacy means to be known. It comes from the Latin word intimus, which means innermost and signifies known to the innermost recesses of the heart. (Shoutout to Crabb’s English Synonyms for the Definition) So if God is an intimate God, this must mean that He wants to know the innermost recesses, depths, of my heart. Now check this out:

 “No one has seen God [His essence, His divine nature] at any time; the [One and] only begotten God [that is, the unique Son] who is in the intimate presence of the Father, He has explained Him [and interpreted and revealed the awesome wonder of the Father].”  

John 1:18 AMP

Did you see that? Jesus and God had an intimate relationship. They are intimate beings and we are made in God’s image! So why wouldn’t God want this type of intimate relationship with us? 

But how do we get there? Is it even possible? I have faith that it is. But it’s difficult. It’s difficult because we live in a world of broken, intimate relationships. I can be terrified of intimacy because in the past it meant abandonment for me. Yet, God is showing me that it is possible to have an intimate, fulfilling, and exciting relationship with Him.

How To Have An Intimate Relationship With God

As I’m still on this journey myself, I can only share what I’m learning or have experienced. Here are some ways that I experience intimacy with God: 

1. Pray and pray vulnerably. 

God wants us to choose vulnerability with Him. I find that when I’m gut level honest with God in my prayers, I feel close to Him. Last year, I started to journal differently, more honestly. There were times where I wrote scripture out while in tears. These moments were painful and difficult because all I wanted to do was distance myself from God and from the pain. Yet, the Bible encourages us to cast our anxieties on Him and anxieties are our cares, those intimate parts of us. When I started to put this scripture into practice, I saw the benefits! That didn’t mean I got what I wanted, but I got closer to my God. 

2. Read the Word to Know God More Intimately 

Who likes one-sided relationships? Not me! But so often, I talk God’s ear off and don’t listen to what He has to say to me through His word! I started to find that the more quality time that I spent in His word, the more I understood Him, and got to know Him for myself. The more I got to know Him, the closer I felt to Him.  In this way, I have a personal, unique, relationship that has the ability to grow consistently. Who wouldn’t want that? (He wants that for you and I do too!) 

3. Make leaps (or steps) of Faith 

I’ve found that relationships require risk. When we take risks in relationships (wise ones) we grow and learn from the experience. In my relationship with God, I’ve realized that when I take leaps of faith, I’m able to see Him act in a new way, which reveals another aspect of who He is, which deepens our relationship. A huge leap of faith that I took was letting go of relationships that weren’t good for me. As I did so, I saw how God started to heal different parts of my heart. I started to see Him as a true healer and the truest lover of my soul. 

Dear reader, my prayer for you is that you will be able to have an intimate relationship with God. What are some barriers to this that you find? If you don’t believe in God, consider what I’ve shared. How could you benefit from having an intimate relationship with your creator?

Love & Light, 

Kourtney Naomi <3